Friday, May 27, 2011

How I Became....

[Wearing my streimel]

I was in Mongolia for the eclipse of 1997. It occurred to me that I was one of vanishingly few Judeans in the country. So I thought of declaring myself Chief Rabbi of Mongolia. But rabbis have to be trained and actually know something so I couldn’t claim to be a rabbi even of Mongolia.

However there are no such requirements to be a former rabbi. So I cut past the training part and the rabbi part, and started my rabbinical career as Former Chief Rabbi of Mongolia. Which I was and am fully qualified to be. It is a title I bear proudly to this day.

There are no actual perks to the office except being able to ask for the Clergyman’s Discount—a discount invented by my Uncle Sol while shopping in a drugstore in Minneapolis in 1968.

And it makes me as legitimately a rabbi as Mr. Lerner, the head of Tikkun, who is just as much qualified to be a rabbi as I am. Maybe it’s time for Michael to ‘fess up and become a Former Rabbi too. I’ll even cut him in on my Clergyman’s Discount.


  1. Jasmin10:57 AM

    The beautiful thing today Jack is that Israel's days as oppressor are numbered. Obama's strategic position in the Middle East is now non-existant thanks to the Arab Spring. Our people, not Isalmists, are rising up against tyrants supported by America. We are in charge of our own destiny and why should we listen to the USA or include them in our new future. I predict mass riots amongst the Palestinian people too against the tyrant in their lands. Inspired by the Arab Spring, they will peacefully protest like their Arab brothers, how Israel will react remains to be seen. But the International community is watching, very interesting times to come.

  2. Jasmin also wrote, in comments I did her the favor of deleting, to say that she is an overtly racist pig and that as a worthless sub-human, nothing she says is worth considering.

  3. Actually, the rebellions in the Middle East are succeeding because the corrupt regimes are finding that playing the Israel card no longer works. More and more, not even the most backward and ignorant believe it any more. Except for brain-dead bigots like Jasmin.

    The fact is that Fatah and Hamas are just two more in the long list of oppressive, woman-hating, kleptocracies that have remained in power for decades by blaming the results of their crimes and incompetence on Israel.

    All over the Middle East, Arab peoples are at last seeing through that veil of lies and seeing that the real enemies are their own regimes, not Israel. Except of course gullible morons like Jasmin.

    Jasmin is part of the exploiting class that sings the regime's song because her privileged position depends on it. Together with your racist invective, you really are a poisonous parasite on your people. Consider suicide, Jasmin. You deserve it.

  4. Jasmin is right for once. Israel's days as an oppressor ARE numbered. That number was and is zero. Israel is a free egalitarian and democratic society and oppresses no one.

    It is surrounded by a fascist dictatorship in Syria, an authoritarian monarchy in Jordan, a recently overthrown one-party state in Egypt which is now ruled by the military, a primitive tribal train wreck of a kingdom in Saudi Arabia, various Sunni monarchies ruling majority Shi'ites in the Gulf and Oman, a primitive dictatorship in Yemen, and various other dictatorships across the Maghreb.

    Not least among these charming political systems are the Fatah military kleptocracy in the West Bank and the Hamas religious fanatic-ocracy in Gaza.

    And she says that ISRAEL is an oppressor? What a moron you are, Jasmin.