Monday, April 27, 2009

from the Borowitz Report

sent by Raph' Abrams (

Report: Still Hard Out Here For A Pimp

Bitches Jumpin' Ship, Talkin' Shit Remain Problems

Three years after the Three 6 Mafia won an Oscar for their song "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp," a new study reveals that it indeed is still hard, if not harder, out here for a pimp.

The study, commissioned by the University of Minnesota's Pimp Research Institute, is the result of interviews with the pimps themselves, who paint a bleak picture of the state of pimping in 2009 America.

"After looking at the pimps' concerns and complaints, we can only come to one reasonable conclusion," writes the University of Minnesota's Davis Logsdon, who supervised the study. "And that is, it's still hard out here for a pimp."

According to the polling data, pimps cite "bitches jumpin' ship" as the number one problem facing pimps today, with "bitches talkin' shit" a close second.

There are also some indications that pimps have not been immune to problems in the broader economy, with large numbers of pimps complaining about increases in housing and fuel costs. When asked, "What expenses make it hard out here for a pimp?", 33% of the pimps surveyed named "Tryin' to get money for the rent" while 31% cited "Cadillacs and gas money spent." As for the future prospects of pimps, the University of Minnesota's Logsdon warns that it may be even harder out here for a pimp in the years to come.

"Based on the data, there is every reason to believe that the key factors making it hard out here for a pimp - in particular, bitches jumpin' ship and bitches talkin' shit - will continue to plague the pimping sector going forward," he said.


  1. San Pablo Ave especially hard hit.


  2. Anonymous9:17 PM

    Our tax dollars at work! Thank you Mr. O !

  3. How about we can get rid of the pimp at the same time we get rid of the insurance companies with the single payer national health system. Legalize prostitution along with better health for all.

  4. The government should make more efforts to bail out this sector of the tourism and hospitality industry. TARP money might be used to subsidize the distribution of free samples to maintain market share and keep demand up. Of course Toxic Assets are an especially fraught issue in this sector.