Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I have long advocated this

The best hunters in the world are the nature photographers for National Geographic, Animal Planet, and so on. All the same skills of lying in wait, stalking, outdoorsmanship, plus having to get the light, focus, and framing right, all simultaneously. No moron with a rifle or even a spear even comes close.

But people want to hunt so they should be accommodated. Combining a paint ball gun with a camera would give the hunter a trophy to take home - a photo of a deer splattered with the hunter's signature color water-soluble paintball. Any color but red. It would show how close he got and what a good shot he is. Such photos would prove that the hunter is an accomplished outdoorsman, a straight shooter, a nature photographer, and not an asshole. If that won't get him laid, nothing will.

One could even go a step further and use paintballs containing a tasty liquid infused with vitamins and minerals that grow strong bones and antlers six different ways, so the deer would get something out of it too.

Since the deer would not be getting pointlessly whacked, there would be no reason not to paintball does and even fawns. Nor would the hunters be limited to a particular hunting season.

Even the perennially (and generally falsely) hyped argument about controlling deer populations (Which tend to rise because the same hunters, or their fathers, have killed all the wolves that would have kept deer populations in check. The obvious solution is not to murder the deer but to bring back the wolves. But I digress.) can be addressed by the paintball rifle-camera.

Zapping deer with paintballs containing oral contraceptives would prevent does from having fawns this season. For those of more bizarre imagination, shooting bucks with paintballs containing doe-in-heat musk would lead to some strange photos of cervine gaiety.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent! I've got to copy this one for the good ole boys at work. Ilove the doe-in-heat musk idea. But hunters should be reminded that when gotten on human skin the musk may lead to more than cervine gaiety.....