2. Drive seemingly forever back from the funeral in Fresno of mother of one's compulsively bitchy ex-girlfriend.
3. Stop at office of telephone company that has been making life miserable for months to replace broken cellphone. Breathe on entire staff.
4. Home. Television. Cheap-but-actually-pretty-good California brandy from Costco.
5. Sleep 15 hours.
6. Still feel like sh_t but not as bad.
7 Repeat as necessary.