The news is that a Negro has been elected President of the United States. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! April Fools! No, wait....
The United States, the richest country in the world and the citadel of world capitalism, is broke and in hock up to its hocks to China, a poor over-crowded Communist country that is rolling in money. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! .... Oh Damn!
The Nobel Prize committee awarded the Peace prize to a president engaged in fighting two wars because he promised to widen only one of them. Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja!
The two best movies were both directed by the members of the same divorced couple and they went head to head for Best Picture at the Oscars. Oh, puhleeze darling... What a silly story lne - who plays them? The Muppets? Reallllly. Tell me another. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
In that perennial hotbed of humor, the Middle East, the son of the founder of Hamas has admitted to being an Israeli agent. He converted to Christianity and moved to the US and now lives in Fremont. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ....Oh....Wait, bear with me.
A blind man is governor of New York and an Austrian weightlifter is governor of California. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! What? I screwed it up again? On both? Geeze.
The Supreme Court ruled that corporations are people entitled to free speech. Even though they don't have mouths or brains? Let alone souls or consciences. Apparently having mouthpieces and managements are close enough. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm wrong? Again? Dustin Hoffman as Ratso in 'Midnight Cowboy' - "I can't unnerstan' it. I keep gettin' beat."
A woman infamous for her tactlessness is Secretary of State, our chief diplomat. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I blew it again?
The Pope Benedict XVI found complicit in priests buggering choirboys. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Like that could happen. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! It did?
France elected a pro-American president. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ... Zut! Alors! Sacre bleu!
I called a Japanese company for help with the Chinese-made cellphone an American phone company sold me. A guy in India answered the phone. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Come on, Festus, you gotta do better than that.
Oh, to hell with it - I give up. Welcome to April.