Thursday, April 08, 2010

Out and About about Sexagenarianism

[Bob Marley]

I am going to out myself here in this blog. Right now. I have been in the closet too long.

I am a sexagenarian. There, I said it. If you are offended or can't tolerate it, that is your problem not mine. I have a right to be who and what I am. Every sexagenarian has that right. Society must accept us for who and what we are. Sexagenarianism is natural and, I insist, completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

Sexagenarians should have the right to practice sexagenarianism in the privacy of our homes between consenting adults. We should have the right to marry both other sexagenarians and non-sexagenarians. We should also have a right to practice adultery with other consenting adulterers as well, but that is a separate topic and still the source of much heated controversy and litigation within the sexagenarian community itself.

I feel like a huge burden of secrecy has been lifted off me. I feel free to flaunt my colors now that I have declared it openly to the world. I am now openly sexagenarian. Free at last! Free at last! Great G_d, a-mighty! Free at last!

And I will tell you a little secret. A lot of my friends are sexagenarians too. There are sexagenarians in almost every walk of American life. But there is much that needs to be done before we can be free. The rigid exclusion of sexagenarians from enlisting in the military is well-known. Sexagenarians are as patriotic as any other group of Americans yet are forbidden to enlist even though many high-ranking officers are themselves sexagenarian. No sexagenarian is permitted to play on any professional sports team in the country. We are excluded from professional boxing and professional martial arts. Most grievously we are flatly precluded from representing our country as Olympic athletes.

Workers and professionals of every kind are often forced into retirement when their sexagenarianism becomes too pronounced to pretend not to notice. Others are given financial incentives to coax them out of their jobs.

Sexagenarians are mocked and sneered at if they marry or even mate with people completely outside their own community. Sexagenarians are charged more for their health insurance than all but a few non-sexagenarians. We are made invisible. Sexagenarians eat an hour or two earlier than non-sexagenerians presumably to spare the non's even having to look at us.

And worst of all, the most unthinkable and unspeakable of all, are the death camps, many of them in Florida. Sexagenarians in these camps are seen to wear distinctive white shoes and belts to distinguish them from the ruling elite of non-sexagenarians. The percentage of unemployed people in the death camps is staggering, in some places reaching a hundred percent or more. It is the subject of a lot of grim humor about these places that people enter as sexagenarians and all eventually leave feet first. This has to stop.

It is time for revolution, for fighting in the streets. Radical non-sexagenarians already admit privately that they find sexagenarians revolting.

So there it is. Sexagenarians, as Bob Marley said, stand up for your rights! .....As best you can....


  1. Anonymous8:42 AM

    You know there ARE organizations that defend sexagenarian rights....AARP is one. Go for the silver, join up and really out yourself!

  2. I too admit to being a sexagenarian and proudly wave its flag, a grey scale rainbow flag. Me and my trusty dog Alta, a cocker spaniel, are entered in the Sexagenarian Olympics in speed sleeping. We sit on a front porch and the first one to fall asleep wins.

  3. Anonymous7:44 AM

    Thank you so much for this one...I've recently been had by my 61st Birthday. I want to thank you for this letter. I have been having feelings that I cant explain, I find myself wanting a nap, and craving my meals a little earlier, maybe I am becoming one too? I'll let you know in 9 or 10 years how I turn OUT. If I become one, I will try to be as honest and open about it as you. Thanks to you and all the others who have gone before us, opened the door and stepped into sexagenarianism (?) proudly and openly. I will try to maintain my current meal times, just to piss THEM of.